The L o V e got me freaked!

So of late I am beginning to wonder what or who should say the famous "L" word. You see if you are in my shoes its actually something that freaks me out. Funny?....funny not. The word has long histories in me. It makes my little "hairs" stand. Well the word love has been the cause of all the betrayals save for my parents..seriously from boyfriends to "best friends". The only people who've not fucked me up after using the word love are my parents. My mom may be takes a better crown. My mum is the only human that I know that used the word love and caused pain at the same time..ha ha ha. for instance my mum would pinch me hard and at the same time say "this is for my love for you.....If I don't do this, you will end up blaming me later in life" and lets face it. Every kid goes to the supermarket and as soon as mom faces the other direction, you quick to pick s'thing...or may be let me tell you this real tale--Gosh...so My brother and I may be we were 5 and 6 years old at the time, we took kshs200.00 from my mum's purse and went to the local shopkeeper-I forget his name- to buy patco...patco.. yes memories fade but the LOVE I got that day reminds me its "illegal" to take someones property.

So basically, the most emotional pain caused has been made by people who used the L word on me. I know everyone has gone thru this "rite of passage" where someone has to break your heart. However, I think mine left me with some serious injury that I didn't know existed until the word was repeated. I'd rather not hear the word than have to deal with what it brings at times.I have come to fear the word. I actually prefer some one act it until may be I can take in the "L" word later....which of course I don't know when. Ah well I don't know what I would prefer really, all I know is that I need some seasoning to let me accept the word as what it is supposed to mean...the real meaning from The Oxford...really.
2 days ago I was watching Maury show and this girl left her husband five years ago but later she found out she was pregnant with his baby. Maury show watchers know that you always have the DNA test results coming up...yeah actually he was the dad..but what made this gal leave?...she was freaked out by his love cuz she was in previous abusive relationships and in her mind too much love was directly proportional to hurt or pain...freaky huh?...got me freaked! I don't want that but again how do you prevent that?
If it comes from my family that's acceptable but from anyone else I am not sure whether with time my body will stop having this "counter" reaction of fear.